Therapy

Friday night, I was back in the grip of an old and very familiar acquaintance: depression. We're talking good ole' junior year in college funk (1995-6). Of course, it is all circumstancial in nature: I loathe my job, primarily because of the location and other leadership issue. I will restrain from further comment. In any event, looking at the part of my life that dominates my thoughts (work), life then begins to suck. So, I found myself wallowing in my own self-righteous self-pity. Self seems to be rather front and center here.

So, Saturday AM, did some yardwork. Mowed/weedate the backyard. Repaired lawnmower. Then did some gardening. Puttered in our vegetable garden. Resusitated some transplanted balsam and lavender. Remulched 4 beds and planted/re-landscaped another. Sigh. Lots of gardening and playing in the dirt.




Afterwards, I found myself content, calm, and unconcerned about issues concerning vocation. Perhaps it was simply being around life. Plants growing. Birds birding. Worms, spiders, squirrels, you get the picture. But life happens in my backyard. Things grow and die (caterpillars). I wax extremely unpoetical. Perspective changed. That's where I'm driving. Life looks differently when one is not focused on self, but on tending to plants of all things.

This is not to say that I won't be pissy tomorrow when I'm at work. Or that I won't boo-hoo to God to change my vocational circumstances. But it is a reminder to me to reorient my perspective and roll in the dirt.