Self-Deprication

Had a blow out tonite. Tried to walk corn on the cob from the kitchen to the dining table (on plates of course) and failed to keep one on there. Rolled right off and down to the floor, and then my poor, er cob, um, quietly thudded on the carpet and quivered as cat hair attacked it. *sigh*

Then I erupted in a full blown sailor monologue of "colorful metaphors". I was so pissed at myself for my failure and inadequacy. Then, I promptly was disgusted at my display of juvenile behavior. My wife seems to think that I am just looking for ways to express my self-loathing. I, being a training Biblical Counselor, can find out where I began hating myself, the beliefs behind it, and the appropriate Biblical truth to renew my mind with. Still, I hate myself. I hate myself for having to renew my mind. Well, you get the picture.

This is where God seems to be utterly absent. Like He's completely disgusted w/me and walked out of the room. So, prayer seems null and void and I must do a long penance just to get Him to turn around and look at me, albeit in a glowering scowl.

So, how does one cease self-deprication? How does God fit into the picture? Does He fit in at all? Am I totally on my own? How much longer does my wife have to endure these periodic bouts? Are there any answers? Or is this simply my curse?

KiltedJedi