Patiently Apathetic

I am noticing a weird trend when I am asked to wait for the Almighty to move. When I was in my 20s, I would get impatient and move quickly, screw things up, then generally enter into depression. Now, I seem to move directly into apathy, bypassing impatience, destruction, and depression. Not exactly the best place to develop the practice of patience or enjoying His company where I am. I just fade into zombie mode and go about laboring for the All-pervasive Coffee Company and trying to balance the checkbook. I keep my mind detached from reality and stay numb. Maybe it is the fact that there is triclosan in my toothpaste and dishsoap and I'm slowly poisoning myself?

Like my friend Cheeser, I am longing for something to stir my soul. I too, have a job that pays the bills, a loving, beautiful wife, and two monstrous cats. Yet, I find myself staring off into the nothingness of cyberspace or the wall. Whichever is directly in my line of sight. I'd love to lie and say, "I'm contemplating the complexities of the multiverse" or something equally "deep". Probably more often I'm debating if I want to actually get up and use the bathroom or not.

Maybe I get apathetic w/God because I'm still thinking that to experience His power is to change my circumstances instead of knowing Him and experiencing Him in the midst of whatever and wherever I am.